Hello and Welcome to the Wife's Support Section of National Education and Support Systems. I love helping Wives' and love ones as well as friends and others to understand the facts about Crossdressing and the impotence of your support for your Husband's life long secret Identity. I am not a marriage counselor but I love helping to keep families together. Especially families with children involved. It is very important that children be raised in a loving family environment by both their biological parents. There are enough children in this country being raised by single parents and missing the importance of a loving family environment. Please don't make your children another statistic in the one parent family world. They miss out on so much and it affects their future greatly.
Now, lets take a journey into the life of a real persons Crossdressing chronicles. What is written below is a true account of how this person lived, how he felt, his fears, his urges and his needs and his hunger. His hate and at the same time love of Crossdressing .............
So you just discovered your husband is a Crossdresser and you really don't know what to think about it. Your considering leaving him because now you believe that your Husband is a Homo or is Gay. Maybe you think he is sick in the head or is a little crazy and your afraid to stay with him now. You don't want anyone to find out that you married a queer or Homo or gay guy. You'll be embarrassed to be in public with him when and if anyone finds out what he does or thinks he is gay. Your afraid of what your children will do or say if they find out their daddy is a crossdresser. Your afraid to think of what your friends might say or even your relatives. You don't want to be ridiculed by anyone for being with a person that does this sort of thing. You don't want anyone to think that your gay or Lesbian or attracted to other women. All these things may have gone through your mind and your still undecided what to do or what to think. Your probably really upset because your husband didn't tell you what he did or was before you and he were married.
There's probably many more things that have gone through your mind and if not they probably will in time. You're thinking if you continue to stay with your husband now knowing what he does you may find it very hard to think of him the same way you did before you found out.
Now lets put the shoe on the other foot for a minute. You are your husband and you have been doing this all your life just as your husband has been. Now think of how you would feel if you are the one with this life long secret. Your afraid someone will find out what you do. You have been hiding this secret ever since you can remember, maybe since you were 10 years old. At 10 years old you sorta felt like your different from your friends and know your friends must not find out that you like to put your sisters dresses on, or raid your mothers closet when no one is around. As you grow up the urge becomes stronger to wear women's clothing. Over the years of growing up you learned that wearing your mothers clothes or other women's clothes was something other men do not do, but, You find that you can not stop the want and the need to crossdress . Now since you found out how much different you are from your friends and other men and what happens when someone like you is caught or found out, the need to keep your Crossdressing habit a secret becomes even more important to you. Now you fear even more about friends and relatives discovering your secret. These two things have become 2 of the most important things in your life now. You love to crossdress, know that it is something you shouldn't be doing and really want to stop but no matter how hard you try to stop you can't. Now when ever you get a chance you crossdress and each time you fear someone will catch you. You don't want anyone to catch you because they will think you're a Homo, Gay or a transsexual and you know that you are none of these. As time goes on the urge even becomes more stronger and you find yourself Crossdressing even more and taking more chances but even though you know the consequences of getting caught you still continue to crossdress. The fear of someone finding out about your life long secret grows more intense. You start feeling really guilty about Crossdressing and want to stop more now then ever. So you bag up all the feminine things you have stashed away and put them in the garbage. All this so far has taken place and your only seventeen years old. You think now that you have gotten rid of all your feminine things you can stop, you feel good about yourself. You self esteem gets better, you are felling better about yourself but maybe 2 days or 2 weeks later your girlfriend is wearing this really nice dress and it makes her look really fabulous. Seconds later you find yourself wanting to see what it looked like on you. The more you look at your girl friend the urge gets even greater to want to try on her gown, lets say you were at the prom at the time this happened. You find yourself looking more at your girlfriends dress then you are looking at your girl friend, you really want to see what you would look like in her dress, the the more you look the more you want. The next day after the Prom you find yourself buying a new dress, you tell the sales person it is for your girlfriend but it is really for you. You race home and find that your mom and dad are not there and you run upstairs and try on the new dress. The whole time you were looking at your girlfriends dress, and in the store buying your new dress it is on your mind, I don't really want to do this I want to stop, Crossdressing you keep repeating this to your self but you continue to buy the dress. You say to yourself this will be it just this one more time and I'll stop, I won't crossdress anymore, but one week later you have a few more dresses and feminine things and your back Crossdressing even more then before. Again the urge to crossdress grows stronger, the quilt returns, the fear of getting caught returns but the urge to crossdress is just to strong to let you stop. This process continues for many more years, you stop, you start, you stop, you start. Now you become depressed because you want to stop Crossdressing. You feel like your the only one that crossdresses as much as you do, the fear of being caught is driving you crazy because you don't want to be labeled something your not. You meet a woman that really excites you, you fall in love with her, The bond between you and her has grown now to the point that you want to spend the rest of you life with her.You get married, the whole time your at your wedding your burning to see what it is like to wear your wife's wedding gown. You can't wait to have the chance to the whole time wishing you could stop Crossdressing. At your wedding and during the whole time you were courting your wife, and at the alter, your trying to decide how your going to tell your wife your a crossdresser. You really don't want to keep this from her and you promise yourself your going to let her in on your life long secret. During your honeymoon your trying to get up the nerve to tell your wife that you are a crossdress and now you start to wonder how she is going to react to such a thing as you wearing dresses. You start imaging the woman you love so deeply looking at you after you tell her, then she starts laughing really hard and loud, then calls you a queer and runs out side. That's the last time you ever see her. You very quickly come back to your senses and now you have lost your nerve to tell her. Now you fear for your very existence, if you loose your wife you'll go crazy with grief. So now the biggest thing you must do is keep your secret from the woman you love for fear of loosing her when she finds out. You really want to tell her but since you imagined what might happen you can't take the chance. You promise your self your going to stop. Again you throw away all your feminine belongings. You promise yourself your really going to stop this time. Your really begin feeling proud of yourself, you did it, you stopped. It has been maybe 2 months since you stopped now, you and your wife are really in love and get along really great. Life has never been better, your happy, your a new man with a beautiful wife and now you've found out she is pregnant. This really makes you feel proud, your going to be a daddy now and raise your own family. A couple of weeks later your up in the attic of your new home you and your wife just purchased and your going through a couple of boxes to see what your going to keep You come across your wife's wedding gown. Your eyes get big, you tough it and it feels really good. the next thing you know you are trying on your wife's wedding gown and luckily enough her shoes fit you to. You start prancing around the house, your wife is at work and it is your day off. You try on a wig your wife has and now the illusion is complete. You look in the mirror and you love what you see and the way it feels. Everything you had planned to do on your day off never got done. You have had your wife's wedding gown on most of the day and it feels so good you hate to take it off. You start realizing what your doing and really get mad with yourself because you put on your wife's wedding gown but it feels so good and you like it so much you just say screw it and leave it on until it is almost time for your wife to come home from work. Now you have to take it off and your fighting with yourself the whole time, your pissed because you tried the dress on and your pissed because you have to take it off. Your feeling really confused right about now. You love your wife more then anything in this world but, the urge to crossdress has become so strong again since the last time you stopped it is uncontrollable. The whole process starts all over again, Crossdressing the fear of being discovered by your wife, your friends your work buddies. You think of how bad the ridicule is going to get if you get caught. How much it is going to drive you crazy when your wife finds out and you loose the woman you love more then anything in the world. It's driving you mad because you want to stop, you need to stop but you really love Crossdressing the urge is so strong you just can't stop again. Your life has become pure hell trying to keep your secret from the world, trying to keep it from your wife and now your children. You look for every chance you can to crossdress and each time hate yourself for doing it but at the same time loving it. You going nuts with the worry of your family and friends discovering your secret but yet you continue to crossdress. You can't stop, the drive and the need has over come you. Your life has become a nightmare and you are hating yourself. the hatefulness for yourself, and fear of someone finding out, the urge to continue to crossdress has made you sick and you now hide that because you don't know how to explain it to anyone. This is how you live the rest of your life and then that fateful days happens, your wife finds out. How would you explain it to her? How would you feel? What would you do? You'll wonder how your wife is going to accept the fact she discovered your a crossdresser and have been all your life. You'll worry about how your going to live together, how it is going to effect your lives, What will your children say or do if she tells them. What will your friends do if she tells them to. Your worrying yourself to death because you have no idea what your future holds in store for you. What your family is going to think, your mother, father, brothers and sisters. How will you ever look them in the eye ever again.
Now think to yourself, how would you handle this if it were you? How would you feel? You were never gay or transsexual your whole life, you have lived with this ever since you can remember and hid it form the world, not because you wanted to but because you NEEDED TO, to protect yourself from ridiculed and being labeled something your not, to keep from loosing your wife and family. The whole time you have known your wife from the first meeting until the day she found out, you wanted to tell her but you were so afraid of loosing her you couldn't bring yourself to tell her your life's long secret.
This is what your husbands life has been like all his life living with this. It has haunted him and torchered him every day of his life. He doesn't know why he loves Crossdressing, he has tried to figure it out, he has probably read many articles on Crossdressing and still never found any reason for his habit. None of us have figured out why we love to crossdress and we all have lived our lives like your husband.
Right now if you have avoided him he is sick with worry about loosing you and his children like any crossdresser whose wife found out accidentally. His life has been a hell, but at the same time it has probably been a wonderful life. We all are no different from the day we're discovered then we were the day before we still had our secret. The only difference if now some one knows about his life long secret and his future depends on how you or the person who made the discovery deals with it. You or that person can ruin his future or make it the best future anyone could ever want. If you can adjust to his secret, your marriage can and will be better then ever before. Ask my wife.
Before you make any decisions make sure you understand his torture and his feelings. Talk about it together and work it out. He is no different now then he was yesterday. He is still the man you fell in love with that hasn't changed at all but your future together depends whether or not you can adjust to your discovery. Millions of wives have made that adjustment and they're marriage, family and lives have been better then they could have ever imagined.
This type of thing just doesn't happen over night or start in your adult years when sex becomes one of the most important things in your life. It didn't start a couple of years ago. This is something your born with, and grow up with. It is part of your life and what makes you what you are. I don't care what anybody says or researches. If you have not lived your life wondering why you do this and have no idea why, no one else is going to be able to tell you either. They may have some scientific research ideas why they think crossdresser do what they do but they are only guessing as far as I am concerned. Psychologist can help people deal with the fact crossdresser's are what they are and help them adjust and except it maybe, but they will not cure it. These are my feelings on this subject, I have lived with Crossdressing all my life as far back as I can go and that's a long way back in time. Back to when I was 7 years old and even some time before that I can remember things about wearing women's clothing. Like for instance when I was about 5 or 6 I used to have a satin blouse that belonged to my grandmother I wore as a cowboy shirt. My grandfather went out and bought me a little boys cowboy shirt form the store but I liked my grandmothers blouse. That was my cowboy shirt. I remember I didn't want to wear it out side when I played cowboys and Indians with all my friends. For some reason my cowboy shirt seemed like it wouldn't be the same as everyone else's cowboy shirt and I though my friends would poke fun at me and that is when I would put on the cowboy shirt my grandfather bought me. So believe me when I tell you that this is a part of your life from the day you are born. It may not materialize for years. It may take until you become a teenager before you begin to feel that urge to start wearing your girlfriends clothes or your mothers but it will happen. Then the urge becomes so strong that it takes over your life and it become the most important thing in your life to do.
On this page ladies you will not find any pictures or links except links for support for the wives of Crossdressing spouses. I want to be serious and perhaps save a marriage or family. I just want to try and help you to understand that your husband is still who he was before you found out about his life long secret. I hope I can help you to understand how he feels and what he has had to live with all his life
Links to help you understand and cope with your spouses Crossdressing life